So You Think You’re Virile #01: The Mirror Trick and the Myth of Infinite Sperm
An occasional series inside Baby Ready Health, sparring with the myths and realities of male fertility.
In This Issue
A New Series - exploring what virility means today, from biology to culture to legacy.
The Mirror Trick - why men and women see themselves so differently.
The Myth of Infinite Sperm - daily production isn’t the same as healthy production.
What the Data Says - sperm counts, DNA fragmentation, and miscarriage risk.
Reclaiming Virility - toward creating a legacy of health for your future children.
To Stick on the Vanity Mirror - five quick reminders to carry into your day.
Hello Men. Guys. Boys. Males. Carriers of the X and Y chromosomes, however you identify, this your invitation to the conversation.
Your sperm carries your legacy through its DNA. It is both the carrier and the code. Its health matters twice: first, to help your partner conceive, and second, to pass on your share of your child’s lifelong health potential.
Now to the Hall of Mirrors. A woman steps out of the shower, catches herself in the mirror, and sighs. She notices her stomach, pushes it out a little farther just to prove the point, and decides she ought to do something about the weight. A man steps out of the shower, looks at the same stretch of stomach, pulls it in, flexes a bicep, and thinks he looks quite hot.
I’ve seen versions of this scene play out enough times to know it isn’t just a sitcom trope. Men and women appear to carry different mirrors in their heads. Does that mean men are inherently egotistical? I don’t think so. I think it’s closer to biology than psychology. After all, in the animal world it’s often the males who show off. Peacocks fan their tails, frogs belt out their midnight anthems, elaborately antlered creatures lock horns. Virility has always liked a stage.
Humans complicate things. In our species, it’s often women who add the signals: lipstick, heels, curated outfits (although mercifully, the era of stiletto heels seems to have largely faded). The instinct in men remains, a belief that they are broadcasting fitness, strength, and appeal, even when biology tells another story.
In the clinic, the disconnect shows. It’s usually women who lead the charge, ordering the tests, engaging deeply during the consults, initiating the preconception protocol. Men, meanwhile, often assume their side of the equation is covered. After all, don’t they make new sperm every day?
Well, yes and no. Men are capable of releasing sperm every day, but each sperm cell takes about 70 days to develop. Think less corner-store white bread and more artisanal sourdough. It takes time to proof, to rise, to develop that golden crust. And like any bakery, the quality depends on the ingredients and the care taken.
When the body is well tended, it produces strong, healthy sperm. When it is not, DNA - your legacy - begins to fragment. Why? Age, toxins, inflammation, poor sleep, alcohol, and metabolic dysfunction all leave their fingerprints on the very cells that carry a man’s genetic legacy forward.
Men are implicated in close to half of infertility cases worldwide. Yet the pattern holds: it is still women who show up first, women who change their diets, women who invest in supplements, women who endure cycles of IVF.
Male partners often enter the process late, reluctantly, or not at all. Yet, given a head cold - “man flu”- and suddenly the whole household is in crisis. Somehow the possibility of compromised sperm production does not register with the same urgency as a runny nose.
Virility, in a biological sense, is not guaranteed, and it’s not preserved by a daily turnover of sperm. It is vulnerable, measurable, and deeply consequential.
The data on sperm counts, motility, and morphology (how sperm are built) have been trending downward for decades. DNA fragmentation in sperm is linked not just to whether conception occurs, but to miscarriage risk and the long-term health of offspring. In other words: the mirror flex tells you very little about what is really happening at the cellular level.
So you think you’re virile? That’s the hook, but it isn’t just about sperm counts or mirror flexes. The word itself has been battered around in culture, sometimes celebrated, sometimes mocked, sometimes dismissed altogether.
I’ve chosen virility deliberately, because reclaiming it isn’t about peacock feathers or bravado. It’s about men taking their role in fertility, and in the legacy of health they pass on to their children, as seriously as women are asked to.
This first piece has looked at the biology, but in future instalments we will widen the lens. Virility, beyond what the microscope can see, is also a cultural idea, a political force, and, ultimately, a responsibility. Along the way I’ll share the measures that strengthen it and secure your legacy.
To Stick on the Vanity Mirror
Fresh sperm is not always healthy sperm.
The sperm factory reflects sleep, stress, toxins, and time.
Men are implicated in nearly half of infertility cases.
DNA damage in sperm shapes conception, miscarriage risk, and a child’s lifelong health.
Virility carries weight as legacy, not performance.
Warmly, Sonja
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Thanks for helping thoughtful fertility conversations travel further. 🤍
Curious to know more? Head to the About & Welcome pages for why I started Baby Ready Health and a bit about me.
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This post is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. Always consult a qualified practitioner before making decisions about your health.
References:
Agarwal, A., Mulgund, A., Hamada, A., & Chyatte, M. (2015). A unique view on male infertility around the globe. Reproductive Biology and Endocrinology: RB&E, 13. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12958-015-0032-1
Agarwal, A., Baskaran, S., Parekh, N., Cho, C., Henkel, R., Vij, S., Arafa, M., Selvam, M., & Shah, R. (2020). Male infertility. The Lancet, 397, 319–333. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(20)32667-2
Eisenberg, M., Esteves, S., Lamb, D., Hotaling, J., Giwercman, A., Hwang, K., & Cheng, Y. (2023). Male infertility. Nature Reviews Disease Primers, 9, 1–22. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41572-023-00459-w
Fainberg, J., & Kashanian, J. (2019). Recent advances in understanding and managing male infertility. F1000Research, 8. https://doi.org/10.12688/f1000research.17076.1
Never eating artisanal sour dough again!!!